What the hell do I blog about?

You can't just do a blog, the wife says, it has to have a theme. Blog about being middle aged, or about supporting Spurs or living in Essex.
You can't just blog about random thoughts.
Like: I thought it said 'Extreme Fisting With Robson Green' on the TV schedule. Thankfully I was wrong.
Like: Why can't you get black coffee at White Hart Lane (it comes ready made, with milk!) Fat Bill the Binman, who I sit next to, but one, threw a right wobbly with the East European serving staff over this. And when they suggested he have hot chocolate, I thought he'd have a heart attack.
Like: Have you seen that advert with Jamie Theakston for Activa? He looks soooo fat. I thought having Martine 'I'll make it big in Hollywood' McCutcheon was bad enough but Jamie, you've really let yourself go since being found in a prostitute's torture chamber. Well you would, wouldn't you.
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Has there ever been a good 'comedy' song? I mean one that you can still listen to more than a couple of times and laugh? Harry Hill's tried it and failed, in my opinion, yet he's a comedy God. That one about 'hello mudda hello fudda' was quite funny I suppose but not laugh out loud. I guess no one has ever beaten Benny Hill's Ernie. And yet he was a strange little perv living in a Southampton bedsit.
*Benny Hill anecdote warning* I worked at The Sun when Frankie Howerd died and a few of us were charged with ringing comedians to ask them for their reaction. One of us, possibly George Pascoe Watson, got hold of Benny Hill's agent and he said: "Can't reach Benny but you can quote him as saying Frankie was a comedy legend etc." So the quote went in the paper. Next day they found Benny dead, he'd been dead for three days. Turned out he died before Frankie Howerd. Made the quote look spooky!
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Thinking of having my eyes lasered. Optical Express rang me during the Spurs match against Inter, which pissed me off, but I've agreed to have a test to see if I'm 'suitable'. Now I'm doing a blog I suppose I'll have to keep you all updated.
I've worn glasses for 40 years, it will be strange not to have the bins on any more but we'll see.
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It's the ex-wife's birthday today. She's six weeks older than me. That's reassuring. We divorced 15 years ago but I still sent her an email. A nice one, this time. Ah, sweet. As our daughter was 18 the day before, they both went to the pub I believe. The end of maintenance payments draws ever nearer!
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Anyway, as a middle-aged Spurs fan living in Essex....I've got to top up my St Tropez and get the Range Rover facing the right way for the wife in the morning. She's having her vajazzle polished.
xxx
Solly