As a middle aged man with teenage kids I am expected to have heard of some people like Justin Bieberlake and Twilight star CowPatz but as a journalist with his finger on the tabloid pulse, it means I also have to know names like Kim Kardashian, even if it doesn't matter that I have no idea what she does. She, or one of her crazily monikered sisters, is in the Mail Online every single day. I kid you not.
I have also heard of the two Lloyds - that's Cher and Danielle, not Grosman and HBOS. They are in the paper quite a lot. Considering how much Mail readers hate pikeys, I find this a little surprising.
But every now and then I scan the online pages of the Daily Mail (I do it so you don't have to, folks) and come across new and exotic characters from a nether world where only the Z List exists.
And, honestly? I haven't a clue.
Today there was an announcement that AnnaLynn someone had split up with Kellan someoneelse. I didn't even know these two anagrams had got together in the first place so I'm devastated to learn they've split up.
Then there's Kaya Scodalario. I know, I know. Apparently she's in Skins and that's her real name, not her character name. But she's now famous for crying when a bloke punched her boyfriend, Elliot Tittensor.
Don't laugh. I was born in Tittensor. Really.
And he's famous for being in Shameless. Which is brilliant, I grant you.
Then there's Mark Wright. I thought he was an average defender who punched above his weight enough to get into the England team. But no, he's in the disgracefully lowlife The Only Way Is Essex which is so awful it's beyond parody. And while we're at it, have you heard of Mike Sorrentino. He has a nickname which is 'The Situation' and is in Jersey Shore. What's that? Well, as any self respecting Daily Mail reader knows, it's the US reality show that TOWIE is based on.
The Mail will no doubt claim it has a younger and lower socio economic reader online who is into these celebs but not judging by the rabid comments online - which generally go along the lines of 'Who is this ridiculous woman??? Why do you write about them' and signed 'Sick of Tony Bliar, Whitchurch, What Used to Be England'.
However, to prove this is not a one way street, later this week I shall reveal ten people in the Guardian I've never heard of, to balance the books.
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In a poll of 14,000 Britons, 12 per cent said Nietzsche had the greatest moustache ever. That's 12 per cent. Even we didn't do that story because we thought it so ridiculous. But the Telegraph did. What the hell do I know.
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