I wish Piers Morgan all the luck in his new role as the world's greatest interviewer (according to P.Morgan). I like Piers, really I do, though he does strike me as the kind of person who would write his own Wikipedia entry.
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Things that require little comment, number 473: The name of the mistress who is allegedly blackmailing a tycoon, claiming he fathered a child with her, is called Fuk Wu.
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Every now and again sport confirms its ability to be reassuringly wonderful and it wasn't just England winning the Ashes, it was both the manner in which they did it and the manner in which they celebrated the victory and Australia accepted defeat (step forward and take a bow Shane Watson).
It's not just cricket. By which I don't mean 'it's not cricket old boy' but that cricket is not alone in this. Golf and tennis often throw up admirable losers as well as gallant victors. Remember Nick Faldo consoling Greg Norman for instance or the way so many female tennis players seem to be so tactile with each other, even when no one is watching them.
But the sight of the England players celebrating with the Barmy Army was magnificent and the way the Aussies invited them into their dressing room for a drink was truly noble.
My favourite scene was seeing the England players sitting in the middle of the pitch, several hours later and still in whites, and passing round what looked suspiciously like some kind of cigarette. But surely they can afford a whole packet between them rather than have to all share the same one.
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According to the Express we now have a 'plague' of swine flu. Maybe someone should remind them of this in a few months time when we'll have a new Express plague (immigrants, interest rate rises, heatwaves, housing market collapses, Princess Di evidence, Maddie McCann revelations and so on).
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The Sun is offering a £50,000 reward for anyone who might have information on the murder of Jo Yeates. Thank goodness for that. Now all those people who know whodunnit can tell the police instead of sitting on the information!
Like any newspaper reward, you have to wonder how much it actually helps find the murderer and how much it will help shift sales of the paper.
And also, if it turns out not to have been the much pilloried landlord who had the affrontery to look a bit odd, will there be an apology from some of our leading newspapers for doing all but painting little horns on his head and giving him a photoshopped pointy tail when he was interviewed by the police?
It's easy to be nostalgic but there was a time when, if someone was 'helping police with their inquiries', the spirit of the law - if not the letter - made us all think carefully about what we would write about them.
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According to today's Daily Mail, Facebook may be behind the murder. The murderer may well have been a F/B friend of the victim apparently. Strangely it also carried a story about a 1974 murder which may be linked. Does this mean a murderer from the mid-70s was also a Facebook friend of a young architect 36 years later?
I have a number of Facebook friends, some of whom I freely admit I don't know that much about because I haven't seen them for many years (it's why people of my generation are on it I think). So if anything happens to me, be warned - the Daily Mail may well think it's you what done it!
The papers will follow you round and dig up old photos of you in drag for a stag weekend or that picture of you in the 1980s with a haircut of the time that we now recall with much humour. They will discover a former colleague of yours who will say you always did have an unhealthy interest in school playgrounds or fashioned a hedge in your front garden into the shape of an erect penis.
They will find out that you once appeared in an AmDram production because everyone knows that being slightly theatrical is just a thin veneer to cover up psychopathic tendencies.
And for those of you who are fanatical cyclists, just make sure you burn any photos of you in the homo-erotic outfits popular with the sport (remember that spy found in the holdall?)
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FA Cup starts tomorrow (for us glory hunting supporters of 'big clubs') and, of course, the year ends with one. Now all we need is a Chas and Dave reunion and we're all set.
Yours with the trembley knees....Solly
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