Tuesday 4 January 2011

Bermonzey Boyz

My first day working in Sarf London has passed without incident though a failed train at Stratford and a person trespassing on the Northern Line did their best to try and prevent me getting across the Thames.
I noticed the sandwich shop on the corner of my new street has closed down. Something I said? Apparently not. A worker there got sacked for smoking cannabis so he went home and, presumably once the peaceful effects of the pot had worn off, went back and stabbed the owner to death.
It's enough to make one break out in stereotypes.
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Talking of transport, I noticed that the local BBC news - South East Matters or some such bollo - asked viewers to comment on the inflation busting fare rises planned for commuter trains and London Transport.
Guess what, everyone thought they were a bad idea and everyone was critical and not a single email, text or phone call had anything good to say.
That was five minutes of editorial well spent. Though compared to the dross that is local TV news and has been for 40 years or more, why should anyone be surprised.
Local papers are great and have a genuine purpose. Local TV news is crap and serves no use whatsoever. How can the news on a regional network be called local when it's not local to 95 per cent of those watching. It's about time these expensive wastes of space were abolished. Sorry for going all Littlejohn about this but I'm a passionate believer in local news and this is not worthy of the name.
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Have you ever seen the self-serving spin off of Mastermind where the contestants are all 'celebrities'? Interesting to see just how far they have dumbed down the questions to give the participants a chance of getting a few points on the board.
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The BBC's Stargazing continues and after sniggering about Uranus, I now notice the programme is coming (oo er) from Jodrell Bank (fnarr fnarr) and is presented by Brian Cox (titter, titter). It is fast approaching birdwatching for double entendres.
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Apparently there's some kind of mass debating going on this week over the state of sports journalism in this country which, you just know from the line-up of Tom Bower, Tessa Jowell et al, is going to be all about how shite the tabloids are, ignoring the fact that most of the 'news' in the broadsheet sports pages and on the telly is merely a follow up to what has been in the redtops the day before.
Of course you can point to some of the columnists in the heavies and I agree that on cricket and racing, for instance, they are often superior. But when it comes to football I'd rather have a Martin Samuel or a John Dillon or a Rob Shepherd or anyone who actually knows about football (and went to a certain school) than posh racing writer turned soccer 'expert' Henry Winter, long haired egotist Simon Barnes or Mihir Bose - who can somehow suck the life out of the most exiciting of sporting events in a couple of thousand words (when 400 would do.)
But if you want to pick one thing wrong with football journalism in particular, then it is any interview which is only allowed to take place if the piece ends with a little note that 'Jermaine Inkpad was taking part in the Adidas Bastards Challenge Event' or 'Wayne Shagnasty wears Nike 'Exloitakid' Boots with extra spring provided by the tears of Korean children'.
Cheers - Solly (Solly's Blog is brought to you in conjunction with the Central Line and The Newton Arms)

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