Monday 13 December 2010

The Middle East: Less war war, more jaws jaws.

Special signs are being put up in the water to signify safe areas for swimming and diving at the popular resort of Sharm El Sheikh, according to a press release from the Egyptian Tourist authorities.
They are going to put the signs up in English, Arabic and French, because no one is quite sure what language sharks speak.
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A former decorator won X Factor. So he's used to watching paint dry. Now he knows how we feel.
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Golden rules of reading newspapers #73. If the headline in the Daily Mail ends with a question mark, the answer is invariably 'no'.
(See 'Are immigrants killing our swans?', 'Do gypsies give you cancer?', 'Can you get fat watching Jonathan Ross?' etc etc.)
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Shane Warne and Elizabeth Hurley were clearly having an affair, according to the press, after they had dinner with the newspaper owner Alexander Lebedev a few weeks ago and were 'all over each other.'
Which begs the question, why was the affair revealed by the News of the World and not the Independent or the Evening Standard whose owner is one Alexander Lebedev?
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Had our Christmas office party today, 25 of us which isn't bad considering we're a two man band. I've had a few drinks, so at least I have an excuse for any spelling mistakes (though that doesn't excuse every other day.)
As people who know me will attest, I'm not a big drinker. It's down to some gene shared by Jews and the Chinese apparently which means we don't build up much of an intolerance to alcohol even if we wanted to. And as for poor old Wang Yin Goldberg, he falls over at the merest sniff of a barmaid's apron. So a bottle of wine and a few Jack Daniels and I'm ready to take on the world, though there are few things more sobering than having to wait for a connecting tube at Leytonstone in December.
It was a good do. Many of those present work in the travel industry, as journalists or PRs. What strikes me about this particular business is that even the straight men are exceedingly camp, although they overcompensate - usually by getting married several times and leering after 48-year-old cruise ship specialists and anyone else in a low cut top (perhaps I should wear a suit next year.) Travel photographers tend to come in two types. The quiet, slow drunks who get all lachrymose and the loud, fast, drunks who shout at you even when they are standing two feet away.
Then there are the former heavy drinkers on the wagon who are not as much fun as a result, the morbid old soldiers who are not sure if they'll be here next year and a general impression that people simply don't drink, smoke or stay out as late as they used to.
Tomorrow night is the Mail on Sunday festive bash for freelances and I expect much of the same sentimental nonsense but with more expensive wine.
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According to my kids, pupils no longer shower after sports lessons because there's not enough time. When I expressed surprise that teachers don't insist on it, they said I was being old fashioned. As if being clean was sooooo 20th century!
Cheersshh....Sholly (hic)

1 comment:

  1. As a "loud" photographer....I must insist on shouting"....since the eye laser surgery on ears obviously hasn't worked!!

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