I'll repeat the best joke I've heard in the last few days. Sepp Blatter was asked 'who's your favourite Qatar player?' He replied: "Eric Clapton."
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That story about the MP's Russian assistant being a spy had all the makings of a good but one-dimensional story which would have just made the inside pages of one or two serious papers until it turns out that someone managed to find a picture of her wearing a grass skirt and bikini top on a beach escorted by two African tribal gentlemen.
This is what is known in the trade as a 'thank f*** for that' moment.
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I'm biased of course, but Jewish people are very funny. I'm half Jewish so I'm only half funny. It's the bottom half of course.
Went to a party in Watford last night. Someone has to. And there was a Jewish couple who, naturally, took a shine to me and we chatted about the various things people of all religions talk about at a middle class party, like house prices, school fees and what kind of car people drive and did I know that the woman over there trying to dance was having an affair with her neighbour. The price of fish etc is not just a Jewish thing. Have you ever met anyone in the medical profession? They are obsessed about how much things cost. All things. Golf clubs, sandwiches, pot plants, everything.
Anyway, back to my new found chum. He told me a story.
He went on a cruise and found he couldn't get into the second sitting for dinner because it was booked up.
Then a waiter told him there was available space but if was with a couple no one else had wanted to sit next to because they were so annoying, telling unfunny jokes and long winded stories and ranting about things generally.
So they said they'd try it out. Turns out the unpopular couple were Jewish and, guess what, they got on like a house on fire. 'They were hilarious, charming and we had so much in common.' And, it turns out, they lived in Loughton (which is how we got on to the conversation in the first place.)
Another Jewish couple joined them on their table and now the six of them are bestie mates.
Later my lapsed Catholic wife (that makes me sound like I have a variety of wives of different religions and political persuasions and every time I go to a party, I pick the most appropriate one to take with me) - anyway, my missus reckons that story sums up Jewish people better than any she knows.
I have no idea what she's talking about of course.
And thanks to Derrick Tempest, owner of the world's most expensive toasted sandwich maker (ie an Aga) for the party after he moaned that he's not famous enough to ever get name dropped in anyone's blog.
Happy Chanukah everybody...Solly
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