Sure sign of getting older (number 152 in an endless series). A lot of my friends can't stop banging on about Kate and Pippa but those skinny posh kids leave me cold if truth be told. However, former air hostess Carole...well, dress her in a Britney-style stewardess outfit, let her check I'm strapped in properly and offering to refresh my nuts in first class and now you're talking.
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Interested to see that programme fronted by well known football expert Alan Sugar into the state of the game on TV last night which revealed absolutely nothing that any of us didn't already know. The best insight into his attitude into running a football club was encapsulated by a tale of when he was at Spurs and wondered why the fans never chanted his name in the way they did the manager or players. Or so it is said.
I must admit, having read various interviews with the great man, I'm not sure exactly why he does The Apprentice. It's not the money as he's got enough already. It's not to promote his companies as his main income now is property it seems. And it's not to give someone worthy a job as the cast of the pogramme are not the most suitable candidates to work for him but those who make the best TV. Hence Stuart Baggs. And this year the winner doesn't even work for Lord Nookie Bear lookalike - he gives them £250,000 in a Dragon's Den style payment to set up their own business.
So why does he do it? The media exposure? He doesn't come across as a media darling. And, unlike Donald Trump who did the US version, I don't think Sugar's interested in a career in politics. So what is it, you think, that makes this slightly awkward billionaire who doesn't need the publicity embark on being a TV star?
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The Guardian has printed a list of the 300 greatest living British intellectuals which includes at least one person who is dead and five who are Irish (Seamus Heaney? British? FFS!). Of course it does, it's The Guardian. Here's the list.
http://tinyurl.com/6fow8hk
It also includes Clive Anderson and a number of writers like Polly Toynbee for her deep understanding of the nation's working class, Ben Goldacre for being able to slag off medical stories that don't involve him and Marina Hyde whose valuable insights into showbiz are a must-read for other intellectuals.
Funnily enough, all three of these have a column in The Guardian.
Which is possibly why they haven't included Clarkson, Littlejohn and Richard and Judy while they're at it.
But much as I think journalists are the greatest people in the world, I have to conclude that few are intellectuals and this list is overladen with them.
Apart from those listed as journos, many of those mentioned for their prowess in other fields were once journalists - Andrew Adonis (hilariously called Anthony Adonis here who I'm sure is a porn star), Michael Gove and Gordon Brown. Yes, he's there.
That's another problem. If you think someone is completely wrong in what they believe, then do they qualify as an intellectual? For instance, if you are an atheist, then you may feel that anyone who can believe in God doesn't qualify. Similar claims can be made about Communists - many so called intellectuals are fervently political but if they believe in something you find abhorrent, then are they an intellectual (at least in your eyes?) Or do you take the approach that while you may disagree with, say, George Orwell or Keith Joseph, Christopher Hitchens or Peter Hitchens, they are still intellectuals?
Trying to define someone as an intellectual is pretty pointless. Stephen Fry, who is able to recite a lot of things that he has remembered, is often named as one, yet being able to absorb information is not the same as original thought or creating something new. Mind you, I couldn't see him on this list. Will Self is there, possibly for his ability to use long words. I've read The Book of Dave. If that's an intellectual then my dick's a bloater, as Kelvin Mackenzie used to say (and no, I'm not suggesting him either).
If creativity was a factor then we should give it to a comedian or at least the person who writes his or her jokes. And there is an argument - though possibly a poor one - that say what Wayne Rooney does with a football is more creative than most of the journalists and writers who seem to populate The Guardian's list.
I think the true intellectual is the person who has actually heard of all 300 people on this list.
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I owe Neil Warnock (anagram Colin Wanker) an apology. When The Sun suggested his team, Queen's Park Rangers, would be deducted points, Warnock questioned their 'source' and maintained he had a better source who said they would only be fined. He was right and The Sun (and the Express and others who copied him) were wrong.
This follows the main tactic of football journalists in general who can throw enough theories into the paper every day so that when one is eventually proved right they can trumpet it from the rooftops - hence all the agent-fed tales of who is likely to be transferred to who. You can be wrong seven times but if you are then right, that's the one that counts.
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Regarding all these superinjunctions, and in particularly the ones from prostitutes: what about client confidentiality? Surely any hooker who sells her story is in breach of contract or is there just no honour in the oldest profession any more?
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Two very strange stories in the papers in the last couple of days. One in the Mail on Sunday about Hugh Bonneville describing him as the Ryan Giggs of the acting world and one in the Telegraph today about fans of the comedian David Schneider puzzled by his lack of Twitter activity. Look them up and see if you can understand what they are all about and tell me, please, because I'm very confused.
Resting my case....Solly
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