Wear the fox hat

This is possibly the poshest office I've ever worked in and probably second only to Tory Central Office overall.
The alma maters (and I bet that's not really the plural) around here include Benenden, St Paul's, Charterhouse, Roedean and Lancing College, which I'm guessing is a not a bit like Harlow Tech but with dorms.
And this is just the cleaners we're talking about! Boom Boom.
Interesting thing about posh interns is that they have absolutely no sense of UK geography. They can name every pub in Chelsea and pinpoint every ski resort in the Alps on a Google Map but they think Hertfordshire is on the Welsh border. You think I'm joking?
Metro had a front page picture during the mini-heatwave of girls splashing in the surf in Blyth, Northumberland. Because they were in bikinis in sunshine, the girls in the office (they weren't in bikinis, it was the girls in the photo) assumed it was somewhere on the south coast and asked me if Northumberland was near Brighton.
Now I'm as London - or Laaaandaaaan - as they come but even I know that the name Northumberland tends to give the game away a bit. You go North and stop just before you hit Scotland.
They roughly know Essex because of the TV show. And roughly is probably the best way to know Essex. One guy in the office who runs his own company and is at least 30 admitted he'd been to Essex. Once. Epping Forest Country Club before it got shut after yet another drugs bust and suspicious blaze. But he's never been back. He's not been to Manchester at all or Newcastle or Leeds (can't blame him for the last one).
And you should see the blank looks I get when I mention Ilford. Mind you, I can't blame them for that.
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Talking of posh, have you seen the sportsmen lining up to tell us to vote against AV? James Cracknell, Sam Wally-Thingy (he's a jockey), Steve Redgrave and various others, mainly ones who do sports where you sit down. Personally I'd like to hear Ledley King's views before I make up my mind.
However, Joanna Lumley is in favour of AV. But David Gower is against. Gower's argument, in a column in The Sun, consists of an analogy between cricket and voting. He says that in cricket 'when you win you win' which is why you shouldn't vote for AV.
That's cricket. Where you play for five days, score more runs than the opposition, take more wickets than the opposition, but can still end up with a draw.
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Talking of sport (see that second segway?) I always thought of myself as a half decent footballer. Strangely, a lot of the lads I played with didn't agree. I always put that down to the fact that, like Martin Peters, I was ten years ahead of my time.
Well, those ten years have caught up and overtaken me now. Walking back through the park after lunch at the outstanding King's Head (just off Borough High Street) a ball came over the fence of a basketball court where a bunch of local Bermondsey urchins were playing football. 'Excuse me sir, can we have our ball back please' they said. Having been at first stunned by being called 'sir' by these kids - I thought everyone in London said 'mister' or 'geezer' for a start - I then flicked the ball up and lobbed it over the fence. Except I didn't. The ball hit the overhanging branches of a tree, bounced back halfway out the park, chased by me trying to catch it, which I eventually did. Then, puffing a bit, I walked back and chucked it over. Except I didn't. First attempt didn't clear the fence. Second one did though.
I know they were laughing when my back was turned but at least they didn't do it to my face.
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According to Andy Townsend - yes him again - Spurs defeat last night would leave a 'sour taste in the mind.'
I feel it's my duty to bring these to you where I can.
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Stratford station, or Stratford International as it's trying to call itself, needs to sort out its public address system if it is to be the pride of Transport for London in time for millions of Olympic visitors next year. And that's as well as sorting out the Jubilee Line.
Every night as I wait on the platform they announce that the next 'bus' will leave Platform whatever to go to somewhere East, when they mean 'train.' It happens every night. Then last night it got stuck on a loop repeating over and over again 'will Mr Watson please come to the control room.'
Usually these names are a code. At Spurs, whenever there was a bit of trouble in the stands, the announcement used to be 'will Mr England come to the security office' which just told every hooligan in the place that there was a brief chance of something kicking off.
They've dropped that now. Instead they tannoy warnings that the club will not stand for racist, homophobic or offensive chants. The first two, pretty much everyone agrees with. The third, though, is not fair. It is every fan's right to be offensive towards opposition players, managers and supporters and we expect them to do the same to us.
Last night as my team crashed out of Europe to Real Madrid, the fans were in great voice. Non football fans don't understand this. We're losing 5-0 on aggregate, our dreams have turned to dust and we may not be back there next year but still they sing? Well, it's hard to explain but for a club that hasn't tasted this kind of excitement before, it was the end of a marvellous series of matches against clubs that many of us have dreamed of seeing in the flesh for a long, long time. We were, simply, non-blase (is that a word?) about it. We were like big kids being allowed to stay up to see a film on TV that we know has a woman's naked breasts coming up at 27 minutes in (hopefully belonging to Ingrid Pitt).
That's why we sang 'you're just a shit Barcelona' to the Madrid fans. It was a joke and they actually laughed. In Spanish (el chortle, fnarrdida etc). To Ronaldo we sang 'you're just a shit Lionel Messi' - okay, inventiveness disappeared a bit for that one - plus various other songs in honour of the team as well as to Paul Gascoigne and Gary Mabbutt who were in the TV room perched above supporters in the Park Lane end. And they didn't even sing the one that upsets Adebayor - that's how much we were enjoying ourselves.
Champions League? We had a laugh.
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I'm not really interested in the Royal Wedding but have you seen Kate Middleton? At least Di waited until she was the Princess of our hearts before she decided to go anorexic. Must be something about joining the royal family, except for Fergie of course.
And there we go, full circle, back to posh. I should be a presenter on Sky, I really should!
We'll be back after the break....Solly