EU're 'aving a laugh

What do we want? More analogies? When do we want them? If your neighbour's house is on fire you don't hang around for analogies, you get on with them straight away.

According to David Cameron, if your neighbour's house was on fire, you'd help put it out to protect your own property. That's for those of us who do not have a house in its own grounds of course. In David's case, he probably thinks the servants will do it by all lining up from the well and passing each other buckets of water to throw on the flames.

Down my road if a neighbour's house was on fire, we'd stand back and let the fire brigade put it out while going online to complain to the council about it.

If it happened down a Daily Mail reader's road no one would help because Britain has lost all sense of community and, besides, it was caused by the lighted candles of illegal immigrants celebrating Diwali.

If it happened down a Daily Express reader's road the fire brigade would be unable to turn up because of EU Time Directives and new health and safety rules created by barmy Brussels.

If it happened down a Sun reader's road, then it would be an insurance job so you wouldn't want to help out if you knew what was good for you.

If it happened down a Mirror reader's road then it is Thatcher's fault. The unemployed can't afford the latest electricity charges so they are setting fire to their furniture to keep warm and burning to death in their thousands under this heartless Tory government.

In a road of Times readers then you wouldn't find out about the fire because it was blocked from view.

And among Telegraph readers, they would watch the flames while arguing that this was nothing compared to what our generation went through during the war.

As for Guardian homes, they would offer counselling to the neighbour while carefully moving all their Apple products out of the way in case the flames spread to their home.

And good old Daily Star readers would only find out about the fire to their neighbour's house if it had been in the Daily Mail the day before.

Oh, and Metro readers would dress up as frogs and hop across the Kalahari while taking wacky pictures of grains of sand or some other non-news nonsense to help those who had lost possessions in their neighbour's fire as long as they could have a story about it on page three of the free paper.

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Many of those in favour of the UK leaving the EU are fed up at being portrayed as, in the words of one of my mates, swivel eyed nutters. The Daily Express believes it is the cheerleader for the anti-EU lobby, as both of its readers once signed a petition. But you would have thought the paper, in order to present a rational argument for leaving the union, could have chosen a better example of the sort of person who supports them than the swivel eyed nutter it featured in the paper today. Here's a link.
http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/279322
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I'm not anti-EU but have you noticed how everything prefixed by Euro ends up being either too expensive or a disaster? Eurostar, Eurovision, Europop, the Euro, the Europa League, Eurotunnel, Eurodisney?

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Went to Manchester to see my eldest at university for the first time. I let her choose where we would go and naturally she chose a decent restaurant that she could not otherwise afford but which also was guaranteed to be the kind of place where we wouldn't bump into any of her mates.
And naturally again, at least seven tables at Kro in Piccadilly Gardens, were occupied by middle aged dads or couples with their student offspring. It felt like a theme restaurant, the theme being embarrassed teenagers and uncool parents.
The rest of Manchester was full of delirious men in sky blue football shirts standing outside pubs cheering while lots of other men in red shirts looking dejected were filing into the railway station to get the trains back to Surrey.
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I drove past Jodrell Bank yesterday. First time I've ever seen it in the flesh. It's bloody brilliant. And quite near Alderley Edge which I also went to for the first time yesterday. It's a bit like Essex but done by northerners.
Aye up...Solly