What do you think when you hear Halifax? A small town in Yorkshire, a former and quite friendly building society, or a bank responsible for some of the worst adverts in TV history?
Or perhaps you were a customer who felt they handle complaints so badly that you complained to the authorities who then fined Halifax £3.5 million as a result.
Or perhaps you're a taxpayer whose money is helping to prop up the Halifax after they were a part of the banking industry responsible for sending the world into an economic crisis.
Or perhaps you've tried to get a first mortgage with them to find that they no longer lend enough money to put young, working couples on the housing ladder.
But what you don't see, I'll wager, is an organisation full of nice people who are there purely to help you out.
And to prove this, a few of the social misfits, fat counter staff, spotty undermanagers and occasional ethnic (to keep the mix right) will get together and sing 'I'll Be There' while you watch film clips of a woman giving a sneezing commuter a tissue or a man helping a mum with a pushchair up some steps.
There's even one of a girl giving a young boy the flake out of her 99. Though if you try that you may get reported and go on some kind of register.
These are those little deeds one does for no personal reward. That's just how a bank works, isn't it?
The point of these actors pretending to be nice people helping others is to remind you, the public, that the Halifax is really just full of nice people wanting to help you. They are not just a cog in a giant banking group that includes Bank of Scotland and Lloyds TSB (the bank that used to like to say yes but now likes to say 'we've got your money, we'll pay our bonuses, now fuck off.')
No, not at all. This is the bank that brought you Howard, the singing nerd and some fat bird at a train station before excrutiating adverts featuring an imaginary radio station.
Now they've done it again. Trying to prove that, like the great song they're murdering, they'll 'be there' for you. Unless you want a mortgage, or go a couple of quid overdrawn and query why this warrants a letter that then costs you another £20 of course.
Of course we're not fooled, are we. But why are they doing it then?
First of all, remember who they are aiming at. Like cigarette ads are meant to appeal to smokers, bank ads are meant to appeal to those who already have bank accounts.
Apple may try and sell iPods to those who don't have anything similar but banks are not trying to grab a market of people who don't have bank accounts.
These are probably poor people who could use the most help but are no good for banks because they go into debt too easily.
While this can mean lots of lovely interest charges, they are so poor they can't pay these and so they either do a runner or the bank writes it off. How do you think the sub-prime crisis started?
Banks don't want poor people. They want middle class people who spend more money than they should because the debts are highly profitable but won't do a runner.
Halifax ads are meant to appeal to people who have a bank account with someone else who may want to transfer. Just like cigarette ads try and get you to switch brands.
So, would you move from one bunch of greedy bastards responsible for bringing down the economy to another set of greedy bastards who did the same? Well, there is a fiver on offer. And there's enough greedy bastards out there who may just move for that.
Though chances are the Halifax will get that fiver back off you pretty quickly. Let's call it their little bit extra shall we.
And when you're in debt and want the bank to help, pop in to a branch and see if they'll be there to comfort you, if they'll be your strength, if they'll keep holding on.
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Quick postscript: I can't stand the new Facebook layout. And I've yet to find anyone who likes it. I still think that in ten years time we'll all look back on the whole Facebook phenomenon and think 'did we really do that?'
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Scientists have conceded that there might be something faster than the speed of light. Which may well mean that Einstein was wrong and Freddie Mercury was right.
But then the point of science has always been to find ways of disproving what was previously believed with new evidence. Which is the complete opposite of religion if you think about it.
God bless all...Solly
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