Red or Flak

The British Humanist Association. Is that the first example of a true not-for-prophet organisation?
------------------------------
Range Rover has brought out a new £28k car called the Evoque which I expect to soon see in abundance talking all those famous hills in Essex that separate orange women from the school gates.
To celebrate, Range Rover gave away the first model off the production line to Zara Philips because she is, apparently, an 'ambassador' for the brand. I never realised so many people bought a Range Rover because it was endorsed by a minor member of the royal family.
---------------------------
Now I don't much care for Simon Cowell (let's face it who does) but he's getting a disproportionate amount of stick over his latest wheeze, Red or Black and not because it's a rip off of so many other game shows that rely on a total lack of skill, intelligence or knowledge.
It's because some bloke who won £1million was once convicted for hitting his girlfriend. Now it's a heinous offence for which he was punished but there are calls for the guy not be allowed to keep his million, including an MP, the honourable member for Bandwagon South I believe.
But so what? Are we to vet what kind of people go on game shows? Most of them are pretty chavvy anyway but do we give them a CRB check before they are allowed to have their name picked out of a hat? Do we then decide that the big prizes can only go to people who are poor but virtuous, for instance? Particularly in games with no degree of skill.
You can't go on Deal or No Deal if you've paid off your mortgage, for instance. Adjudicators from The Weakest Link will visit you first to make sure you don't own more than one car. And you can only go on Bullseye if you're a fat bloke who lives on a council estate and has no use for a speedboat. Oh, ok, that last one might be true.
Then we have a sliding scale. If we only allowed Mastermind contestants to be over 40 and with a degree perhaps we would be spared the sight of some spotty sales assistant getting through to the semi finals after answering questions on the films of Jennifer Aniston for instance.
Contestants on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? should not be allowed to keep the money unless they promise they won't spend it on hookers and cocaine but on building up a property portfolio and investing wisely in an ISA.
Vetting for nice middle class quiz shows like Only Connect or Eggheads will mean that only men who drink real ale, as opposed to lager, can go on the programmes. And they mustn't have a tattoo. Or perhaps only let in women who gave up work to look after the kids but occasionally helped out at the local Citizens Advice Bureau as a volunteer. That should keep out the riff raff.
And why stop there? Perhaps we shouldn't allow anyone with a criminal record to buy a lottery ticket. Nor, for that matter, anyone over 60 who lives in a caravan in Scotland who claims they won't let a win change their life. If you don't want to change your life then why enter a competition to win a first prize of £14 million for crying out loud?
The lottery, like Mayfair cigarettes, betting shops and Special Brew, is basically a tax on the poor anyway so anyone for whom winning a lot of money won't change their life should not be allowed to enter but neither too should anyone found guilty of benefit fraud - thereby pleasing both the Daily Mail and The Guardian at the same time.
You see these kind of kneejerk calls quite a lot. A footballer goes to prison for a crime off the pitch, he comes out again a few months later and there's an outcry when he gets signed for a new club.
I don't see the problem. If a plumber gets a six month sentence for shooting a donkey or something, then should he be banned from being a plumber again when he gets out? Obviously he should be banned from keeping a donkey but that's not the same thing.
Or perhaps we draw the line at a certain salary. If someone on £100,000 a year gets banged up, then when they come out of prison they must take a job where they only get £20k a year.
Ridiculous? Of course it is. When Joey Barton got jailed, his punishment was a bit of porridge. It wasn't six months in pokey followed by a free transfer to a Championship side and a ban on collecting any signing on fee when going to QPR.
And when a man gets convicted for hitting a woman, hopefully he'll get the proper punishment from the court which will be time behind bars and not followed by a judge ruling that he should not be allowed to enter any Simon Cowell-related show for a minimum period of 10 years after his release.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Incidentally, if Simon Cowell is supposed to ban anyone with a conviction for assaulting women from his shows, then what was Cheryl Cole doing on The X Factor?
Night night pet....Solly