Thursday 4 August 2011

The Other Jones Girl

Jennifer Aniston says 'my kind of films are often overlooked for major prizes.' Substitute the word 'shit' for 'my kind of' and you'll have some idea why that is.
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Interesting additional information on the Liz Jones saga. Quick recap: The Mail on Sunday has sent self-obsessed facelifted dimwit Liz Jones to cover the famine in Somalia and has been widely castigated for it.
One of the criticisms has been along the lines of 'why didn't they send a proper reporter?'
Well, they did! I am reliably informed (and believe me this is as reliable a source as it's possible to get) that Barbara Jones from the paper was sent to Somalia two weeks ago. She wrote a superb piece, interviewed leading figures, travelled the country and even exposed a black market racket among some established refugees selling biscuits to newly arrived starving masses.
But just as the double page spread was being laid out, some Masonic nutter in Norway decided to shoot loads of people and foreign news coverage was diverted to that. Plus Amy Winehouse died, so no space.
Barbara Jones then had to go an interview some Libyan rebel leader or something and the tale was lost.
Barbara Jones is what we, in the profession, call 'a proper reporter'. In other words, she's brilliant. She files reports while bullets whizz past her ear and gets the kind of access to despots and dictators that even their mothers don't. Well, she works for Dacre so I suppose she's had some practice at that.
Liz Jones, meanwhile, considers it a crisis when she can't decide which shoes to wear when taking delivery of her latest handmade bespoke bat hotel.
I have suggested to my very good MoS contact that what they should do is run, side by side, 'Somalia by The Jones Girls' and carry Barbara's piece juxtaposed with Liz's one.
Actually I didn't use the word juxtaposed. I'd already had a couple of drinks by then.
It's unlikely to happen. People read Liz Jones either to laugh at her or get annoyed. It's classic 'trolling'. Pointing out her obvious inadequacies by lining up her copy alongside Barbara's could rebound on the MoS.
And of course, none of this explains why they sent Liz out there at all but apparently it was the decision of You Magazine which is completely unaware of how ridiculous she is, they just count the readers letters when she writes a column, ignoring the fact many of them are in green ink.
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Left-handed Dragon (I notice these kind of things) Duncan Disorderly offered £25,000 for the arrest of someone trying to blackmail him, double if they broke the bloke's arms.
He later changed this, offering £20,000 for ten per cent of the arm breaking as long as Theo would put up another £20,000 for a broken leg.
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Talking of broken legs, all these allegations from Heather Mills against Piers Morgan. Personally I don't think she's got a...oh, hang on.
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Oh dear, we're going to go through the whole 'bring back the death penalty' argument again. And it won't get through. And I'm pleased about that, though I know there is a lot of public opinion that disagrees with me. Probably a lot of you reading this too. I make no apologies. I don't want either judges or juries to decide whether on not someone lives or dies. I don't like murderers making that decision either, of course. But the death penalty is state sanctioned murder.
The one argument that always does it for me is that America has the death penalty and has the highest crime rate in the world. Not much of a deterrent is it?
Anyway....break a leg, Solly

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