Saturday 25 June 2011

Wellies been building up inside of me for, oh I don't know how long

Ten security men prevented 30 protesters from floating an anti-tax avoidance balloon at Glastonbury with some old fashioned strong arm tactics. So much for rebellious youth then. 'We're going to bring down the system!' 'Sit down and shut up.' 'Oh, OK then.'
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Are Hunters the new Burberry? I only ask because it seems to be one of those style fads that make rich chavs think they look posh when it just makes them look like rich chavs trying to be posh.
The Rooneys are the latest to think they are being fashionable by donning matching Hunter wellies to Glastonbury without, perhaps, realising that they are being laughed at as they pass the usual festival masses of middle and upper class youngsters and, increasingly, their well bred parents who also now attend. TV showed rapper Tinie Tempah on stage, panned out to the audience and there were thousands and thousands of pure white arms raised in the air. Keeping it real, eh?
Back to Hunters. Kate Moss started it. But even she still can't help looking more Croydon than Kensington no matter what she wears. Obviously it's not done her any harm as it's given her a modelling career that's lasted far longer than it should and a celebrity status far greater than any actual talent she has.
Coleen, too, is not unattractive. But she will never look posh. She once dolled up as Audrey Hepburn for a fashion shoot yet still looked like a Scouse girl who'd been in the dressing up box. Admittedly it was not as bad as Eamonn Holmes trying to recreate Richard Burton but it was ridiculous none the less.
Old money rich have different faces to the likes of Coleen and Kate. And even Richard Burton come to think of it. And thank goodness for that. Like Wayne's hair, the rest of us will always be betrayed by our roots.
Or in their case, Kate's snarly South London mouth, Coleen's third generation Irish skin colouring and Burton's Welsh granite jaw and resentful eyes.
But if chav women look out of place in Hunters then that is nothing compared to men. I always thought men wearing crocs was bad enough but men wearing Hunters is beyond the pale. They simply look like they're trying too hard and no one looks stylish in those circumstances.
I see it round here with city traders and the like who think they look classy if they wear Hunters while walking the dog. Then they go to work in those quilted jackets with corduroy collars.
Wayne and Coleen Rooney look like they are trying too hard, too, to be trendy middle class, festival loving youngsters and getting it wrong. Even Andrew Marr fitted in with the crowds better than them.
Just because our Wayne can afford to spend £200 on a packet of cigarettes doesn't mean he fits in with the trustafarian kids at Glastonbury. Mind you, at least when he's in a crowd of 100,000 he can't go off whoring so easily.
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Talking of Burberry. I have a mate who now earns a couple of hundred grand a year or so at the top of the corporate PR ladder but I can remember when he was a football hooligan travelling the country in the hope of a bit of a scrap.
To avoid the police, a minibus of fans from his club used to travel across country rather than motorways to away matches and would often stop in a market town or similar for a bevvy on the way there or back.
Usually this was trouble free though sometimes they would find a shop that sold expensive but chavvy clothes like Burberry, go in en masse and simply clear it out before the owner could do anything.
However, despite the fights he got into outside football grounds, the two most violent incidents he encountered with his hoolie mates were not at football matches.
One was a boxing match where the lads supporting the boxer from his home town got into a fight with the lads supporting the other boxer and all hell broke loose, I'm told.
The second was during a stopover in a market town out in the West Country where the locals soon got wind that a minibus full of football louts had pulled up and, much like the scene in Young Frankenstein where they all marched on the castle carrying pitchforks and blazing torches, they arrived on masse and there was a great big, Wild West style brawl and the football fans took a bit of a pasting.
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There is a poster for a new Jeremy Clarkson book at London Bridge station. Something to do with how useless foreigners are probably. It says something about 'Dads  everything we wear, everything we do, its all wrong.' And yes, it does leave out the apostrophe.
And on that bombshell...cheers, Solly

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