Keeping It Wheel

Karl Lagerfeld thinks Adele looks fat. I think he looks like Davros in sunglasses.
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Do you think newspaper yes/no phone-in polls are a massive waste of time and money that tells us nothing of the public mood at the time?
For yes, take 25p out of the saucer on the windowsill and chuck it in the bin. For no, do the same.
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And talking of the Evening Standard (yes we were) is there anything more ridiculous than its regular fashion feature in which it photographs three people wearing, say, blue slippers, and says it is the latest London trend? Next week: They go to the paralympic basketball finals and report back that three-wheeled wheelchairs are the latest must-have accessory for the modern capital fashionista. Possibly under a headline like 'The Wheel Deal' or 'Keeping It Wheel'.
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If you have missed the recent editions of the Leveson Enquiry, this is basically the impression it gives. All journalists are slimeballs but this is because all editors are Nazis who tell them to do wrong things. All celebrities are two-faced hypocrites apart from Hugh Grant who really is quite dim. Steve Coogan needs his hair cut and isn't very funny when he's not Alan Partridge. Lawyers are rubbish and have no idea what happens in newspapers. Heather Mills is completely barmy. Piers Morgan is completely smarmy. And when he gets up from having sat down for more than five minutes, Max Clifford leaves behind an oil slick that would even shame BP. And he looks like he wears Blofeld's cat on his head. And he's mates with Simon Cowell. And his 'clients' pay him around £200,000 a year for his services. Thank goodness there is now someone who everyone can hate even more than journalists and for that we should all be grateful.
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Do any of us actually listen to what is said on adverts? If you did, you'd realise what a massive cock-up you are probably making in your choice of toothpaste. You see, Aquafresh has a unique molecular complex. That's right. It means the crap that you use only has some ridiculous unoriginal or possibly second-hand molecular complex and Lord alone knows what that's doing to your gnashers.
And Pantene has its best ever formula. So for all these years you poor schmucks have been using some second rate Pantene formula. You should be ashamed of yourself.
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For the sake of the national team, and without any partisan bias, I think Alan Pardew, Roy Hodgson or my local Tube driver would all make excellent managers of the England football team and that there is absolutely no one else, anywhere, who should be even considered for the job for at least another 10 years.
And a lot of us who feel this way will be singing 'Pardew for England' when Spurs play Newcastle on Saturday.
To parrot the best headline in any newspaper this month, 'Arryvederci - Solly