Saturday 14 January 2012

On the Peace

A new family moves into a house in a well established area. The neighbours are a bit cheesed off at the arrivistes, not least because they wanted to buy it themselves.
The new family are, well, not quite 'the same as us' - they're foreigners and although they can show they have roots there, they have a different religion and different customs and some of their friends are a bit brash and loud.
It's the rich friends that lent the new family the money to do up the house and get the garden in order, send the kids to private school and have a new car on the drive.
This breeds more resentment with the neighbours. They have rich uncles who make their money in the oil industry but never share it round so their homes are a bit tatty.
All in all, the new lot are not made to feel welcome. Occasionally it gets unpleasant. And sometimes there is an uneasy truce.
Some years ago they tried counselling with a rather effete bloke called David. It worked for a while but camp David was a long time ago and things move on.
The kids from the family at number 11 used to throw stones at them but they've moved on and they seem to get on ok now.
And the police sorted out the grumpy old git at number 15. He died and the new lot are squabbling over who should get the house so they're preoccupied.
The people at the house behind occasionally throw dog poo over the fence. The new family threw it back, it hit a baby and the police had a word.
The new family aren't blameless. They've built a very big wall without permission to stop the local scallies breaking into the shed and they blocked off an access road which they weren't allowed to do.
They did give a bit of their land at the back over to some of the neighbours in the hope that it would assuage them. They supply power and water to it too but then they built a garage on part of it so it's still a sore point.
Now there's a new problem. Some secretive neighbours a few doors down used to shout their mouths off about how they're going to send the boys round.
The head of the household is a funny little man with a bizarre dress sense so they nickname him Armani Dinner Jacket.
ADJ has been banging on for a while about how the new neighbours should have their house burned down and how they and all their friends and relatives should be wiped off the face of the earth.
He's even got it embroidered on a cushion on his sofa, that's how much he means it.
The police have seen it but decided that it was all a bit 'sticks and stones' and they shouldn't take much notice of a few insults.
But recently it became apparent that these secretive neighbours have been making a bomb to blow up the new family's house. They've already said how much they want them dead after all.
This gives the new family a bit of a dilemma. The police won't do anything until something actually happens, nor will the rich relatives - although they have written a stiff letter to the local paper about it.
They could wait until the bomb goes off and then throw a bomb back but by then they may already be dead so what good is that?
Alternatively they could take pre-emptive action and superglue the locks or firebomb ADJ's home but then all his mates would join in, and the police and it could get a bit tasty.
Besides, the new family's rich friends may decide not to help them out if that happens.
There is another option. A bit drastic perhaps. But a couple of local heavies - Moss and Addy - have offered to help out. For a bung, they'll 'sort out' the nerdy cousins whose know how is building the bomb.
And so that's what they do. ADJ's nerdy cousins get a seeing to.
Of course, there's a bit of a to do. A few accusations and threats of revenge are made, mainly on Twitter. Even some celebs join in.
However, it does mean the bomb doesn't get built and, instead of the problem escalating, the uneasy peace remains for a little while longer.
It would be nice if there was an easier solution, wouldn't it?
Shalom, Salam, Solly

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