Oh well, 'Movember' is almost over and so we won't have to see quite so much bumfluff around and Gary Lineker can stop looking like an arsehole with teeth.
But congrats to my wife for making such a fine effort for charity (hat tip: John Moloney).
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I don't want to sound like a middle aged football fan harking back to the good old days of terraces, Bovril and man-sized refreshments but have you seen the size of Wagon Wheels these days? They are only slightly bigger than a chocolate digestive. No, really. It's a disgrace.
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So, do you reckon Jessica had a sugary nightmare or a surgery nightmare? Did she wake up screaming that she was being forcefed a giant marshmallow only to find a pillow in her mouth (and not for the first time I'd guess.)
Or did she wake up from an operation to find a surgeon had made her look like a broom handle with two beach balls sewn to her ribcage?
Bet it wasn't a 'sugery' nightmare, as stated below by the Daily Star Sunday magazine cover.
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Interesting to see how people react to bad news. I was watching my son playing football when one of the other dads told the rest of us that Gary Speed had committed suicide.
My first reaction was that it was very sad. Another of the dads, a Welshman who drives from Essex to Wales for every Cardiff City home game (he and his boy have season tickets) showed shock before summising 'I bet it's a tabloid thing.'
That's how low my industry has sunk. A youngish man commits suicide and some people instantly think it must have something to do with newspaper dirty tricks.
Of course, he may be right. But then again, it may be that the rest of us don't understand aspects of mental illness and depression enough to pass judgement.
Perhaps it turns out that he has a relative who has gone missing or a close friend died recently or a crisis of confidence. Truth is, we don't know but that doesn't stop us guessing.
There are other reactions.
At Swansea City's match, what was supposed to be a minute's silence quickly turned into a minute's applause.
Scared of upsetting the Welsh, most of the media described this as a spontaneous gesture of grief.
But what's wrong with a silence? We saw on November 11th how poignant and powerful silence can be.
The penchant for clapping a dead footballer began with George Best and has continued since. Occasionally it is used when there are fears opposition fans wouldn't respect a silence.
It seems appropriate when it's someone who has been in the game for years and dies of old age like Sir Bobby Robson, for instance.
But when it is such an unexpected tragedy like Speed's I tend to agree with those who think a silence is more appropriate.
And there are yet more ways to react.
Within two hours of the news around 380 people had instantly gone to the BBC website so that, in their grief, they could quickly let the rest of the world know that 'I never knew him but he seemed like a great bloke. RIP - Dave, Basingstoke.'
Thanks for that Dave. It's good to know 380-odd people like you are there to help guide the rest of us through the grieving process.
I'm not against commenting on newspaper websites. It's quite cathartic to post 'I think Rupert Murdoch is fantastic' on The Guardian's 'Comment Is Free' section just to see the reaction from people who wear corduroy.
Similarly, it's a nice feeling to go to a Daily Mail story and big up gypsies, immigrants or global warming to wind up right wing expats.
But what's the point in adding some guff about how sad it is that someone you've never met died in circumstances about which you've no idea. And then add a really corny line like 'you're with the angels now' which is a particular tabloid favourite.
It's the online equivalent of dashing to the scene of an accident to leave a crappy bunch of petrol station flowers tied to a lamp-post.
And to cap it all, they don't even sign off with their real name. So a Daily Mail reader who prefers to sign off as 'Mad Melvin, Florida ex-pat sick of NuLiebor' can anonymously tell the world how sad they are that someone they never knew has died.
The papers and the BBC don't help either by asking readers to 'send us your tribute to Gary Speed.'
Worse still is the short form 'text us your tributes' so that some nasal gimp on a radio phone-in can read out 'Dave from Basingstoke says Gary was a great bloke. RIP.'
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Jokes that make physicists laugh: Heisenberg is driving along and gets pulled over by traffic cops who say to him: 'Do you know how fast you were going?' to which he replies: 'No but I know exactly where I am.' No, I'm a bit uncertain about that one too, at least in principle.
Night all...Solly
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Interesting to see how people react to bad news. I was watching my son playing football when one of the other dads told the rest of us that Gary Speed had committed suicide.
My first reaction was that it was very sad. Another of the dads, a Welshman who drives from Essex to Wales for every Cardiff City home game (he and his boy have season tickets) showed shock before summising 'I bet it's a tabloid thing.'
That's how low my industry has sunk. A youngish man commits suicide and some people instantly think it must have something to do with newspaper dirty tricks.
Of course, he may be right. But then again, it may be that the rest of us don't understand aspects of mental illness and depression enough to pass judgement.
Perhaps it turns out that he has a relative who has gone missing or a close friend died recently or a crisis of confidence. Truth is, we don't know but that doesn't stop us guessing.
There are other reactions.
At Swansea City's match, what was supposed to be a minute's silence quickly turned into a minute's applause.
Scared of upsetting the Welsh, most of the media described this as a spontaneous gesture of grief.
But what's wrong with a silence? We saw on November 11th how poignant and powerful silence can be.
The penchant for clapping a dead footballer began with George Best and has continued since. Occasionally it is used when there are fears opposition fans wouldn't respect a silence.
It seems appropriate when it's someone who has been in the game for years and dies of old age like Sir Bobby Robson, for instance.
But when it is such an unexpected tragedy like Speed's I tend to agree with those who think a silence is more appropriate.
And there are yet more ways to react.
Within two hours of the news around 380 people had instantly gone to the BBC website so that, in their grief, they could quickly let the rest of the world know that 'I never knew him but he seemed like a great bloke. RIP - Dave, Basingstoke.'
Thanks for that Dave. It's good to know 380-odd people like you are there to help guide the rest of us through the grieving process.
I'm not against commenting on newspaper websites. It's quite cathartic to post 'I think Rupert Murdoch is fantastic' on The Guardian's 'Comment Is Free' section just to see the reaction from people who wear corduroy.
Similarly, it's a nice feeling to go to a Daily Mail story and big up gypsies, immigrants or global warming to wind up right wing expats.
But what's the point in adding some guff about how sad it is that someone you've never met died in circumstances about which you've no idea. And then add a really corny line like 'you're with the angels now' which is a particular tabloid favourite.
It's the online equivalent of dashing to the scene of an accident to leave a crappy bunch of petrol station flowers tied to a lamp-post.
And to cap it all, they don't even sign off with their real name. So a Daily Mail reader who prefers to sign off as 'Mad Melvin, Florida ex-pat sick of NuLiebor' can anonymously tell the world how sad they are that someone they never knew has died.
The papers and the BBC don't help either by asking readers to 'send us your tribute to Gary Speed.'
Worse still is the short form 'text us your tributes' so that some nasal gimp on a radio phone-in can read out 'Dave from Basingstoke says Gary was a great bloke. RIP.'
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Jokes that make physicists laugh: Heisenberg is driving along and gets pulled over by traffic cops who say to him: 'Do you know how fast you were going?' to which he replies: 'No but I know exactly where I am.' No, I'm a bit uncertain about that one too, at least in principle.
Night all...Solly
The demise of Gary Speed is a big blow to many football fans. Speed will be missed dearly for sure. Read more about Gary Speed Death here. One thing is for sure. Speed may be gone but in the eyes of football, he will live on as a Wales Legend.
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