So who did Rupert look like most? Mr Burns alongside his Smithers, Waldorf or Statler? As for the bloke who threw a flan at the old man, he's now in custardy. I'm here all week.
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It's a very Jewish trait to blame your poorer traits on being Jewish. All failings relate to one of three things - the Bible (our bit of course, not the new, fancy schmancy 'part two'), the Pogroms and the Holocaust.
Reading the very good (so far) book The Finkler Question, there is a bit in there about a Jewish woman who always left the washing up till the morning with the argument that it stemmed from the Pogroms where Jews were always in such a rush to escape the Cossacks that they never had time to tidy.
Other arguments include the wearing of too much garish jewellery (we had to carry our gold with us as we were chased out of Europe or Egypt) and general moaning (after 2,000 years of persecution you'd moan too etc).
I once asked my Auntie Cissie how she was and she replied 'what's the point of complaining?' Really, she did.
But you can use the arguments both ways. I hate leaving the washing up - or at the very least, have it in the dishwasher rather than on the table. My wife thinks it's a bit OCD. But I too, claim this is a Jewish trait, as indeed is being unable to do DIY, hold my booze or failure to resist a crafy social cigarette every now and again.
Joan Rivers once said that if Jewish women were meant to do aerobics God would have left diamonds on the floor.
For me, tidying up after a meal is a bit like wearing clean underwear in case you get run over, you want the place to look nice when they come to take you away. They can find you guilty of all sorts of things, but failing to clear the table? Never.
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I worked at The Sun for six years. Occasionally I'd see Rupert Murdoch. He once said hello to me in a lift and I think I blushed. I always thought he never knew my name because I was pretty insignificant though he once told Kelvin that he liked a story I had written in that day's paper. But he didn't know me from Adam. But so what? It turns out he doesn't know anyone's name. Not even News of the World executives who have been there for 25 years, it seems.
Mind you, the NoW is only one per cent of his empire, he told the Select Committee. But if it's so unimportant, why was today the most humble day of his life?
Bet that makes the 218 sacked employees feel better. I said this earlier and I'll say it again. My prediction is that he will not remain in charge of the company for more than another month or two.
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Every ounce of James Murdoch's crisis management training was put to the fore. The monotone voice, the hand gestures (point the hands outwards for humility), the waffling answers, the use of words like 'quantum' to confuse us and 'if we knew then what we know now' to say 'we're sorry, but it's not our fault'.
But in my humble opinion, he got it wrong when he professed shock that News International paid Glenn Mulcaire's and Clive Goodman's legal bills.
What he should have said is 'yes, of course we did' not 'it was a shock to me when I found out.' If someone who once worked for you is up in court for something they did while working for you, wouldn't you want your best lawyers representing him rather than some Lionel Hutz he'd been landed with on legal aid?
I mean, just in case he said something that would reflect badly on the company?
If he had hired his own brief, his defence may well have been 'that woman with the red hair made me do it.' But with slick NewsInt QCs, chances are that side of the argument would have been well hidden. All James had to say to the Select Committee was that the case was about the company's reputation so it was only right the company should provide the best legal team it could.
But he didn't. He professed shock and wonderment that the company he runs paid out all that money for its own legal team and, frankly, whether it's because he's called Murdoch or his accent, no one believed him.
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Is there any town in Britain that hasn't now got a mini version of The London Eye. There's one in Birmingham about as big as a wagon wheel (the wheel off a wagon) and one in Liverpool that's about the size of a Wagon Wheel - the biscuit. Which, as any football fan knows, is much smaller now than it used to be. Unlike most football fans.
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Has anyone seen that advert for Sodastream (which was popular at about the same time as Wagon Wheels)? There's a kid talking about his family. But his sister is clearly Chinese while his mum and dad are not. Nothing wrong with that. But doesn't it remind you of that Tommy Cooper gag in which he says, something like: "Apparently one in five people in the world are Chinese and there are five people in my family so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad, or my older brother Colin, or my younger brother Ho Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin."
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Talking of Chinese - what's the headline going to be tomorrow? Ding deng round One? Hidden Tiger Crouching Wendi (hat tip to Troupy)? Wendi Foils Foam Hacking Scandal?
All I can say is Wendi Murdoch...ding dong Deng. Phwoarrr....
Cheerio...Solly
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